Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
