I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
