mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
