Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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