i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
