Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
