Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
