rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
