I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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