you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
