Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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