if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
