I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
