Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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