You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
