2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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