You work out of a Hotel?
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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