I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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