she was so not down for the gang bang
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
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I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
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You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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