Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
