He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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