I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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