there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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