You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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