I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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