I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
