I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
a search helicopter?!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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