I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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