I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
