as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
