Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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