Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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