Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(727): View more from Florida

I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up

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(843): View more from South Carolina

and my herpes radar will keep us safe

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(208): View more from Idaho

Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.

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(512): View more from Texas

You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick

(305): View more from Florida

I am very proud of your internet skills

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(954): View more from Florida

You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom

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(317): View more from Indiana

So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich

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(785): View more from Kansas

She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.

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