P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
