First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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