did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
