please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
