You just made me feel so damn special
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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