i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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