I was born with a shot glass in my hand
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
