His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
