I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
