She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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