I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
