We're like a lot better than the average bears
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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