dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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