ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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