I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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