Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
