My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
