I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
how do you play pong handcuffed?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
