I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
