and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
