just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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