dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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