nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize