it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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