dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
