Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
