that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
